


sweet//sour

by PersephoneHemingway



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic Bliss, F/M, Ficlet, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, M/M, Other, POV Second Person, Petty, Reader-Insert, Short & Sweet, Vegetables
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26880202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PersephoneHemingway/pseuds/PersephoneHemingway
Summary: in which Lambert leaves his sword on the dinner table so you use it to cut vegetables out of spite.
Relationships: Lambert (The Witcher)/Reader, Lambert (The Witcher)/You
Kudos: 19





	sweet//sour

You've told Lambert time and time again not to leave his weapons on the dinner table—  
and your attitude was infamously as porcupine as your lover's.

So naturally, while he indulged in an afternoon nap (with his weapons left where they shouldn't be), you'd decided to use his silver sword to cut vegetables out of spite.

He woke and wandered to find you in the kitchen on a stepstool holding the sword in both hands with your arms at a precarious angle.

It was clear where you'd knocked some bottles and spices over lifting the sword up onto the counter— there was a new slice in the curtain to show for your efforts too.

Now it seemed like you had a rhythm going— the tip of the blade poked into the space where the backsplash meets the countertop as you brought the sharp edge down repeatedly to slice a tomato. As evidenced by the carnage to your left, you'd already chopped through an onion and four carrots— the onion might even count as _diced_.

Still in a nap-fog, Lambert's cat eyes blinked and narrowed as he watched you with a slow-dawning comprehension of _what you were holding_.

"What... the _fuck_ are you doing?"

You paused while butchering the tomato (it was squishy, and was faring even worse than the onion and carrot with your cutting technique) to throw your head over your shoulder. Your sharp canines bit into your lower lip as you smirked back at him.

"Well, it was _so sweet_ of you to leave your swords on the table for me to cook dinner with, so how could I refuse?"

Lambert's face went sour as yours stayed sickeningly sweet.

"You know, I'd just slicked necrophage oil all over that."

"Oh, I know. That's why you're going to go fetch more veggies from the market, come back, clean up, and prepare dinner yourself!"

You stepped down and slid the sword off the countertop, half a tomato falling to the floor with it. You handed it over to Lambert by the hilt, patted his pec twice, tip-toed up close to give him a quick kiss, and skipped out of the room.

Lambert stared between the sword in his hand, the tomato half on the floor, and the mess on the kitchen counter.

"...Fuck."

**Author's Note:**

> i know tomatoes are fruits, but in cooking they're used like vegetables okay FIGHT ME


End file.
